Well, it SHOULD be obvious, this was an April Fools post.

Leading anti-virus and security firms contacted today, affirmed that the Conficker worm and its variants circulating on the Internet pose no threat to the Apple II or the data files it uses.

Jordon Beck, a support analyst with McAfee is quoted as saying, “Conficker only exploits Windows, it doesn’t effect the Macintosh platform at all.” Our reporter pressed Mr. Beck to clarify what he meant, as it’s common for non-Apple users to confuse the Apple II with the Macintosh. “What? Are you kidding me? Isn’t the Apple II, like 30 years old or something? I used an Apple //e in grade school… is this a joke?” No, we’re not joking.

We needed a second expert opinion, so a call to Symantec’s helpdesk (apparently located in India or Singapore or Pakistan or Belize… somewhere where English is a second or possibly third language) was placed, and we reached “Bob” (possibly not his real name) and posed the question, “Is Conficker dangerous to the Apple II?” After 10 minutes of extensive research and speaking with his tier 2 support and a couple of supervisors, Bob concurred with Jordan’s assessment, declaring “you are probably safe though I really don’t know what an Apple II is.”

There you have it: Experts agree, Conficker and its variants probably aren’t a threat to your Internet-connected Apple II.